10 Things I learned During Pregnancy

This is what I've learned so far, at 34 weeks. I was reading a similar post at Sometime Sweet and she suggested making a list of 10 things you learned during your 20s, 30s, or 40s. Her list was about 10 thing she learned in her 20s. However, I'm not done with my 20s and my teens weren't super exciting (The only thing I learned in my teens was; Everyone and everything you know and love will change). So I thought about what else has forced me to learn a lot, all at once, and the answer? Pregnancy.

So, here goes;

1. You will get attention from strangers, they will ask you personal information, they will probably touch you, and they will expect honest answers and a smile.
In the past 8 months I've had strangers ask me more personal questions than a job interview, and about half of them touched my tummy in the process. Here is the usual
Q & A:
Question: When are you due?
Answer: March
I like to keep it vague, my due date is in the middle of the month but I could go early or late, so how about instead of due date {which very few women actually birth on} maybe we should start giving expectant mamas due months!

(this is where the fun starts)
Question: Do you know what you're having?!
Thought: A BABY!
Answer: Nope, we want to be surprised.
Response: Oh, I just couldn't wait to find out, you guys are crazy!

From my last pregnancy...
Q: Is this your first?
Thought: yes, but why is that ALWAYS assumed?
A: Yep! :)
{now, I say no, but since I have Sonja with me, it's assumed less frequently}

Usually followed by:
Q: Are you Married?
T: That's absolutely none of your business, would it matter if I wasn't? and, also can't you see the bright pink stone on my wedding finger?!
A: Yep, for over 4 whole years now...

Q: So have you decided on a Hospital?
T: ugh, here we go again...
A: Nope, we're doing a home birth.

usually followed by
Q: Is that Safe?!
or my favorite so far; Q: They do those?!
A: Yes, they STILL do those, and it's safe for me :)

These questions aren't too bad, but in the moment I feel like I'm being interviewed, which I guess I am, for the most important job in the world; motherhood. But, seriously strangers, could you have a little class and keep your opinions and hands to yourself?

2. You will (might) feel nauseous All Day Every Day for the first few months, but never actually get sick.
This was the case for me. For an entire 3 months all day, every day, I felt like I needed to puke. But, nothing happened. I was miserable the entire time. I lived off pellegrino and saltine crackers for the first trimester.

3. Your body will do what it wants, when it wants.
You will gain more weight than you want or than what is "normal." Almost everyone I know gained more than the 30 recommended pounds for an average woman, most gained about 40 while others gain 50 and more. As long as you're eating healthy, do not freak out about your weight. My sister is in better shape now after her 2 sons than before. Your body will go back to "normal" it will just take a little effort at first {or little effort thanks to breastfeeding, my calories just slid right off}
Also, you will want to get sick, at the worst times, and you might. I remember suddenly neeeeding to throw up while driving and searching frantically for a bag in my car, not finding one and holding my purse open over my lap just in case. Thankfully, I only ever threw up 2 times with Sonja. Both times were random, though. I went to go to the restroom and found myself vomiting, unexpectedly, instead.

4. You will not like some of your favorite foods.
Mine were:
Coffee -luckily after the 3rd month I was able to enjoy it again.
Eggs -one of my few sources of protein as a vegetarian, and I love them, except every time I ate one I almost ran to the bathroom to empty my stomach, super frustrating, this faded about 5 months into the pregnancy.  This time I don't mind them unless I THINK about the fact that they are eggs, the reproductive fluids of chickens and what not, but I just choose not to think about it.
Salad (leafy greens) -I usually eat salad with every meal, but in the first few months, they made me queasy, now I'm able to eat spinach and such with meals but arugula still bothers me..
This time, I wanted salad everyday for weeks before I knew I was pregnant, so your favorite foods might change from one pregnancy to the next.

5. You will like some of your least favorite foods (see: foods you gag thinking about).
I never eat fast food, ever. With Sonja, I was about 2 and 1/2 months pregnant and running an errand. And, I drove past a McDonald's and thought I really really want a hash brown with ketchup right NOW. I had enough self control to not stop, then, however, I pasted a second one, and couldn't resist (now I know why they're on every corner). I ate it, and it was delicious. And, now, if I think about it, I want to gag. It was so greasy, my pores and arteries hurt just thinking about it.  With this baby my cravings and aversions are practically non-existent which is nice since I like to be in control of what I eat.

6. Your husband will be more supportive than you thought (or maybe I'm just lucky).
In the first trimester, I slept. A lot. Everyday when I'd get home I'd crash. I was always the one to cook dinner, but I just didn't have the energy. My husband's family is Italian and they're all great cooks, he just never had the need to cook. Over the past few months he's cooked some amazing meals and done almost all the house work. I knew I married someone great, I just didn't realize how great until I got knocked up and he started bringing me breakfast (cereal and milk are all I wanted) in bed.  He is financially, physically and emotionally responsible for me when I'm pregnant I'm just so tired all the time.  He does EVERYTHING.  I would have never expected this much before I was pregnant but now that I've been spoiled it's hard to imagine it any other way.

7. You will have to force yourself to have vigorous sex.
Okay, so this isn't totally true. But, you will have to get creative. In the beginning of my first pregnancy I was scared to do anything because I was afraid it would hurt the baby.  This pregnancy I am more comfortable with my body and generally comfortable. But now, I have a bowling ball attached to me, making it rather challenging to get comfortable. Either way, our midwife vows the 3 things you can do to make labor easier are: Walking, Squatting and having lots of "Vigorous" sex. We've been attempting to take her advice.

8. You will cry for stupid reasons, and people will understand {or they won't}
I found myself crying in the grocery store because I was shopping alone in my first pregnancy.  During this pregnancy, I forgot to get my coffee card stamped and found myself with tears in my eyes because I was just having a "bad" day.

9. You will pee your pants.
I did this with Sonja's pregnancy at least 2-3 times, from laughing but was able to stop it before I had a full on accident.  This time, I got a cold and EVERYTIME I coughed I leaked a little, unless I was able to fully brace myself in a seated position.  I know other people who started laughing and just started going and couldn't stop.  BE PREPARED! or at least have a change of pants with you.

10. You will feel like you can't get any bigger, and then... you will.
I just looked at all my pregnancy posts from my first pregnancy and thought I was going to find images of me bigger than I am now, and I am feeling smaller than I thought I was with Sonja at this time, but when I looked at the photos I realized I might actually be slightly bigger at 30 weeks this time around than at 30 with her, and then I saw what I looked like at 35 weeks and realized I am still going to get bigger.  and then bigger.  I've got about 10 weeks left and while I feel big I thought I was going to have just a little gain left, but now I'm realizing how much bigger I'm going to be over the next 8-10 weeks {or 12!} and I'm a little concerned.

I've learned lots more as a mom, which I probably should write down for myself so I can remember all the little things, but for now I'm going to lay down and rest because I've got some Sonja free time, and it's hard work growing a baby.

My next pregnancy update should be done this month and you all can see how big I really am.  Keep an eye out.

-Jenn

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Buying on a Budget

Its almost half way through December.  And for some of you, I might be too late, I know many, many friends are done with Christmas shopping.  DONE.  I'm not.  But, I'm close.

Anyway, I thought I could take a minute to suggest a few items for those of us on budgets.  I have about 20 people to shop for and about $400 to spend.  Now, Husband gets a big gift and Sonja gets a big chunk of that too.  So, there's about $200 left for the general gift fund.  I don't know if you're good at math, but that puts me at about a $10 a person budget.  Since, I'm not working that much (less than 10 hours a week) I can't exactly save much else.  SO, I'm on a budget and a strict one at that.  We're trying to pay off credit cards so we can afford Europe next winter.

What can you find for those you love for under or around $10?  Actually, quite a few things!

Shutterfly Calendars for aunts, uncles and people who like dates. They have specials going all the time, at the time of this post it was buy one get one free, when I bought mine it was buy one get all additional calendars 50% off.  I bought one for Sonja's grandparents, and my aunts and uncles.  First one was $17.99 and the rest about $10, free shipping on orders over $30 {code: SHIP30}

My friend Michelle makes the BEST soap.  And everyone showers, so these are great for everyone.  Funk off has a few manly scents, like Cool Mountain Moss or Husband's favorite: Espresso Yoself! So don't just think girly when it comes to lotions and such, we all need cleanliness! Soaps are $7 each plus shipping brings you to about $10.

And if you're looking for someone who loves baths, I'm quite fond of the Lush Bath Bombs all of which are under $10.  I also LOVE the massage bars from Lush.  I picked up a few of those for a few of my sisters and sisters-in-law. Each around $10 {They're lotion in bar form, when you rub them they melt into heavenly moisturizing scents!} And if you're trying to do all your shopping in one spot they also have soaps for under $10.

Etsy has wonderful prints for the Art lover and quite the selection for $10 range!

Itunes never disappoints.  I found a set of three $15 gift cards for $30 at Target.

Wood Teething Rings on Etsy are perfect for new babies.

Lots of wooden toys for toddlers too.

If you're in the $20 range you can find some great camera accessories here.  Use this link: http://photojojo.com/r/9ry5 and get $5 off.  I bought my sister this coffee mug!

Since I can only afford a limited amount, but am crafty I was able to make some gifts too.  Like, Yoga Mat Bags for all my Yogi gift recipients, a Christmas pillow for my mom, baby blankets, embellished onesies, and a few other goodies from unwanted or unused fabrics.  So, don't be discouraged if you're on a budget! You can still be thoughtful and generous within your means.

And if you're into personalizing and gift wrapping, may I suggest the cutest idea, print a stickygram for each loved one and use that as their gift tag, just tape it to the package.  Above; Sonja wearing her "Nonno" {means "grandpa" in Italian} shirt for my father in law.  You have to order soon though, in order to get your grams before Christmas. Here is a $2 off code for your order: FRIEND3ZDX

My advice for all those last minute gift buyers is to make a list, set an amount and divide by number of people on your list.  Once you know what you can afford, get specific and plan for each person on your list.


Good Luck!
Jenn

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Why We Don't Do Santa Claus!

Every year, I have to explain myself.  So, this year I thought I'd do it here, where everyone can read it.  We don't like Santa.  It's not that he's a bad guy or parents who teach that Santa is real are bad people.  It's just we don't like lying to our daughter.

I want my daughter to know I love her, care for her, and provide for her.  I genuinely want her to be happy, and I want her to know I want her to be happy.  I want her to know that the things we provide for her are because we love her, and we always will make sure she has enough.  

I don't want any glorification to go to an old, fat, white, dude spying on my kids.  Those are the creeps I want her to avoid.  Not glamorize.

It just doesn't feel right to lie to her.  When she's older, and knows that {spoiler alert!} Santa isn't real, she will know that I wasn't always honest with her.  Why would I ruin our healthy relationship?  So, she can pretend that these gifts are from an imaginary character?  She can pretend 100 different, other healthy, things.  Santa just isn't one of them.  

My goal as a parent is honesty.  I don't want to keep things from her.  I don't want her to keep secrets from me.  I want to keep her safe.  I want to be able to talk with her and comit to things like "I never lie to you, so please don't lie to me."

I know many parents think that using Santa Claus is a sweet thing, that it is selfless.  The parent doesn't get "credit" for giving the gifts.  But, I don't think giving gifts is a healthy way to show affection.  And we don't do a lot of gifts for Christmas.  Mostly, that's because we don't really practice Christianity anymore.  But as a Christian, I never thought giving gifts was appropriate to do on Christmas.  I think that it sort of takes away from the whole Jesus thing and makes it a consumerist holiday. Things do not equal love.  Consumerism is destructive so in my opinion, holidays should revolve around love, food and family activities. Not an imaginary character.

Did you know that the white beard and red suit were created by Coca Cola's advertising agency?

Now, we celebrate Christmas by having a big sleepover and huge breakfast and a few gifts 

{for the sake of going with the norm.}.  

Rare Exports is our movie tradition of choice.  Highly recommended for those who like to mix a little Nordic violence and their winter holiday.

My goal is for all future Chirstmases is to be in other places, to travel and to experience the diverse cultures around the world.  Next year, it's Europe and maybe the next Thailand?  But for now, here, I hope my family and friends respect our wishes to keep Chirstmas a gift and Santa free holiday. Not to be confused with a negative or loveless holiday.  We just want to celebrate a beautiful winter day gifted to us by the universe, god, goddess, fate or any other higher power or being you and we believe in.

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Reason 715: Why I Love Martha.

I get Martha Stewart Living as a gift from my membership to the Desert Botanical Gardens and I have to say, I love her.  Really.  She knows what's up.  Like, she makes the best food, has the best parties and still looks too young to be a grandma.

So, when I saw this recent cover I was curious to see if she showed her granddaughter's face at all in her magazine.  I was pleasantly surprised to find out, she does not!

I guess, I struggle with not being able to show Sonja's face on this blog for both practical safety reasons but more for respect for my daughter.  Sometimes, I take the best photos of her, the activity she's doing, the food she's eating, she clothes she's wearing. And I want to put it here with all my other thoughts and ramblings to keep everything in one space, so I don't forget any of it.  Then, I remember.  This isn't her blog.  This isn't her space.  And, who knows how she will feel when she's older and sees all the stories I've shared about her.  Some embarrassing, but most of them sweet.  The point is, it's not my face, and until she can ask to show her face online {which who knows how that will play out with her daddy} she will not be on this or any other of my public blogs or websites and neither will her new baby brother or sister.

And just in case you need any more convincing here's the creepiest stolen photo story I've heard of lately.

Hope you'll follow along anyway.
Jenn

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My Thoughts on Hospital Births

I don't think hospitals are bad.
I think hospital policies are bad.
I don't think O.B.s are bad.
I think O.B.'s policies are bad.
Anything that can not differentiate between the needs of the whole and the needs of an individual, and the risks of the whole and risks of the individual are bad.

The midwifery model of care understands the needs of each of the individual women and the safety of both mother and child.

O.B.s have a lot to learn from midwives; compassion, normalcy of birth, trust of a woman's body.  And Midwives are lucky to have the resources of O.B.s for higher risk pregnancies; more fetal monitoring options, suctions and forceps devices for complicated deliveries, and cesarian sections for moms who NEED them (only, maybe 5% of women truly need them. source.).

I think every woman should be well educated on her birth choices and options, risks and success rates of her birth plan along with a well established support system for immediately following a birth.  My understanding of O.B.s and Hospitals is that, they do not fully inform their patients of risks and success rates of various procedures in the same way a midwife would.  I know my O.B. experience resulted in a total of 20 minutes out of 3 hour appointment with the actual O.B.. Whereas, my midwife appointments are about and hour long with 100% of the time with the midwife discussing concerns, risks and success rates of various topics regarding birth.

I think misconceptions need to be addressed along with fears about women's bodies.

From various conversations I've overheard...
A 10 pound baby is big but healthy and completely do-able by vaginal birth, contrary to one woman's opinion.
Working out does NOT create a larger baby. On the contrary, it strengthens the uterus for a faster recovery and less of a chance of bleeding to death via hemorrhage.  Also, repeat cesarian sections are more dangerous than vaginal births after cesarian.  In regards, to hemorrhage as opposed to uterine rupture, women are less likely to have a uterine rupture than serious hemorrhage with repeat c-sections. (source 1, 2, 3)
Drugs and medications are NOT the only, nor most successful, pain relief options for laboring women. A doula is a professionally trained labor suport person and known to reduce the use of drugs and epidurals for laboring women.  And there are many more positions, procedures {like acupuncture, massage and TENS}, and techniques to elevate pain.
Pain in labor IS purposeful.  It allows the mother to know how far along her body is progressing.  It is a message from the body to the brain that something important is about to happen.  It is beneficial to the mother's mental health to be present in the pain {as opposed to "checked out" via drugs} to bond with the baby, the baby's birth is what stops the pain.
Women will often defend their doctors by saying they {the O.B.} knows what's best.  But what is best isn't being restricted to a limited diet during one of the most energy using experiences of a woman's life.  It's neither safe, nor easy, nor comfortable.  Yes, if someone happens to NEED a caesarian they will need anesthesia and they may vomit.  But, in any other EMEREGENCY surgery the patient is rarely rushed in with an empty stomach.  That is just one of the examples where the policies for the whole, restrict the needs of an individual.

In short, I think each birth is unique and each requires unique circumstances.  Unfortunately, I've yet to see or hear of an Arizona hospital that is truly mama and baby friendly. I think each birth choice is completely the choice of the mother, sorry dads!  I just wish women were consistently informed of true risks and I wish more often than not they would choose the safest choice for themselves and their babies as opposed to what someone tells them is the easiest yet safe enough option.

That is my problem with hospitals; their myth of ease and safety.  What women compromise for safety and ease is actually safety and comfort.

All birth is work, all births are difficult and to pretend otherwise is setting up a mom for defeat.  Wether it's postpartum depression or the difficult recovery of an unnecessary surgery, the effects of a emotionally painful birth are much worse than the pain of childbirth.  No women gets an easy birth unless, maybe, she's worked hard during her pregnancy to ensure one.  So, when I hear women talk about their choices for a hospital or planned c-section; because "it's going to be easier {because of drugs or lack of pushing}" I just want to shake them.  They have no idea what they're in for.  Even if they've experienced the process before, they're still at risk for all the complications of their choices, choices few of them have been fully informed of.

So, to clarify though all my rambling; my problems with hospitals are their myth of ease, myth of informed consent, myth of choice.  If hospitals can take note of these concerns and rewrite policies, I think we'd have a lot more happy mamas.  I also think if you've found a hospital that supports you and your choices, no matter what, you're lucky; and I'd love to know where these places are!  Please, share them in the comments.  I also know mom's who are thankful for the hospitals that helped make their delivery a safe one.  I know I would/will be thankful for a hospital if an emergency transfer is necessary with my next baby.  But I do not plan on starting off at one, for all the reasons listed above and more.  I think for a healthy family, the home is where a birth should be, and hospitals, like for everything else, should be reserved for emergencies and complications only.

Disagree with me? leave a comment.  I'd love to hear other opinions. I know I ramble sometimes, but I just needed to share MY thoughts on hospitals and why I don't want to birth in one.  I hope anyone reading this understands I'm not judging a women who chooses a hospital birth, I just hope she's being treated with respect and care, like every mom-to-be deserves.

-Jenn

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My Thoughts on Pregnancy {communicating with baby}

I've been slacking on my weekly updates about this pregnancy but I am in the process of a 4 week post coming up I promise! Until then, I thought I'd share my thoughts on the whole birth thing again.  Revisit my feelings and affirmations and share some advice for other expecting mamas.

Talk to your baby, literally and mentally.

Just because your baby doesn't speak English, doesn't mean they don't understand what you're saying.  Your thoughts and emotions transcend language.  If you ask your fetus nicely, they will listen.  

For example, when Sonja was in my uterus, I asked her and told her, I'd love for "her" {the sex was unknown} to weigh in at 7 pounds at her birth.  I was so scared of a big baby.  I thought 7 pounds was a nice safe number.  I told her and asked her almost daily, "Remember, come on out when your 7 pounds, please."  She did. On the dot. Two weeks early.  I feel a little bad about that, about asking something selfish, maybe she wasn't quite ready.  Her latch sort of hurt those first two weeks, her cheeks could have developed more if I didn't pressure her and her lungs too.  Also, it was silly of me to ask for a weight limit, I should have been asking for a head size limit if anything.  Her head was 14 1/4 inches (big enough for my midwife to think her assistant measured wrong the first time and do it again).  It was so big that on my one and only push to deliver her, she came out at once.  I was pushing for maybe an hour or two, but the one that had enough force to get her head out also shot out her whole body.  I didn't really tear at least not bad enough for any repairs and everyone was healthy.  But, maybe a bigger baby but a slightly smaller head would be gentler on my yoni.

I know several moms who are hoping for a baby to be born before certain holidays, or to be smaller, or a variety of other requirements.  My advice to those mamas is, Talk to your baby, he or she will listen, and if he or she doesn't, its for a more important reason than you're asking for.  Just my thoughts...

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Car Seats Belong in Cars.

And other reasons you shouldn't use a car seat as a baby carrier...

 

Not Safe.

Safer.

Safest.

The first thing that comes to mind is this open letter to the woman in the Safeway parking lot... by Kristin Auger.  The heartbreaking story of thanking a woman who helped her, when her son fell in his carseat out of the grocery cart.  I can not imagine the pain or fear that a woman would experience in that instance, nor do I want to.  Thankfully, I never had to.  I NEVER took my daughter's car seat out of the car to carry her into a store, doctor's office or family gathering {or to be more specific, anywhere}.  I simply used my arms or moby wrap.

After searching the web for statistics of injuries occurring in car seats out side of the car, I found a few really important articles.

The first one was by By Katrina Woznicki and was reviewed by Louise Chang, MD.  The article explained that "...a total of 43,562 car seat-related injuries resulted in trips to the emergency room between 2003 and 2007.  Those were based on infants 1 year and younger. Shital N. Parikh, MD, an orthopaedic surgeon at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center, led a study analyzing data from the Consumer Product Safety Commission’s National Electronic Surveillance System database. The researchers found that based on a sample of nearly 1,900 infants: 85% of injuries were related to falls. Of these, 64.8% fell out of a car seat; 14.6% of injuries were caused by a car seat falling from an elevated surface; and 5.6% occurred from other types of falls. Head and neck injuries were the most common type of injury; 84.3% of infants suffered a head or neck injury, 62.4% of which occurred in infants younger than 4 months old. 54.4% of injuries occurred in baby boys. 8.4% of infants had to be admitted to the hospital for their injuries. Three deaths occurred. Researchers also reported that the most common surfaces from which infants fell out of car seats included shopping carts (8.1%), tabletops (6.3%), and counter tops (3.8%). The study is published in the July 5 2010 issue of Pediatrics..."

The most frustrating thing about the injuries in these studies is that they were ALL preventable.  Car seats are simply not designed for use outside of the car.  Some are designed to connect to strollers, but after reviewing such a stroller as a gift, I promptly returned it because the seat never felt as secure as my arms or wrap.

When attending our childbirth education classes before our daughter's birth we discussed with an C.M. {certified midwife} risks of car seats outside of the car.  She mentioned that there is an increased risk of SIDS when children are left to sleep in their car seat.  I confirmed this information in the an article; Infant Car Seats May Increase Risk of SIDS By Peggy Peck (Published: July 19, 2007) and Reviewed by Robert Jasmer, MD; Associate Clinical Professor of Medicine, University of California, San Francisco.  "A review of 508 deaths of infants younger than one year found that 17 deaths occurred when infants were in "sitting devices" and 10 of those deaths were unexplained, according to Aurore Côté, M.D., of McGill University Health Center, and colleagues, in a study published online by Archives of Disease in Childhood."

We choose, before our daughter was born, to not use the car seat for anything other than a seat in the car to prevent injury during auto accidents.  It wasn't worth the risk, the tiniest of preventable deaths are still risks and it doesn't matter if it's one in a million if your child is the one.

Other obvious reasons are that car seats are heavier than the baby, it's the baby plus the car seat, more work for a new mom or dad hardly makes sense to me.  I think Lilah Zane says it best in her article "Car Seats Belong in Cars: The Unintended Health Consequences of Infant Travel Systems" on yahoo. "There are several compelling reasons to not use car seats as a baby carrier. The most basic one is that they are cumbersome and extremely heavy."  She also discusses the risks of "flat head syndrome"  which is interesting because people were always commenting on my daughters beautiful bald round head.  They'd joke about how their babies always had a flat bald spot on the back of their heads.  I always politely thanked them but wondered, why didn't they notice what was causing that bald spot?  

I know many parents might argue it to be more convenient to carry a baby inside or to the car in their seat or even when it's 100* here, no one wants to put their baby back into a 100*+ car seat.  For my daughter's safety we use a towel to cover her seat when going anywhere during the summer, my car is always hot but her seat is only warm to the touch. 

I know that hip development is also critical in early months of development, and I found this illustrated article by Jennifer Lance most informative with both car seat dos and don'ts and wraps too, this way you can make sure when you are using your car seat in the car, your child is safely secure without risk of abnormal bone development.  I actually met one foster mother who had a baby girl who spent the first six months of her life in a car seat and at eight months, when she was removed from her seat, she was physically unable to straighten her legs.  It was one of the saddest things I've ever seen.  I wonder what life long hip damage was the result of such neglect.  Other developmental risks can be caused by toxic chemicals in the plastics and fabrics of car seats.  While I accept them as a necessary evil for the overall safety of my child while in the car, I have no desire to extend her exposure to such chemicals.  "Last year MSN Health reported that many chemicals, including “lead, flame retardants, and toxic plastics,” are present in child restraint devices and can “interfere with their developing lungs, brains, and reproductive systems.” This overlooked car seat risk was exposed by a study carried out by the Ecology Center, a nonprofit consumer environmental organization. According to their study results, 60 percent of the child seats tested contained at least one of the unsafe chemicals tested for, with flame retardant chemicals being the most common. The study authors were careful to point out that this should not deter parents from using car seats. However, they did make several recommendations to reduce the risk of infant chemical absorption. These recommendations include the following safety measures: Don’t let infants nap in car seats and prolong chemical exposure; Vacuum vehicles frequently to remove dangerous chemical dust; and Keep car seats out of direct UV rays and heat, both of which help break down chemicals faster and allow them to enter the body." 

I think this is the most source driven post I've ever written.  I really think it's important to know what people are exposing their children to and how to keep them safe.  I highly recommend using car seats ONLY in the car in order to prevent injury during auto accidents.  The developmental benefits for my daughter included walking at 8 months {she was never restricted in movement} and healthy brain and hip development.  I know we're all trying to choose what's best for our children and I hope with the information shared here, more parents will stop choosing convenience over safety.  

-Jenn

**Please note this post is not intended to judge mom's who choose to use car seats as carrier devices, nor is it intended to scare them, or make them feel inferior.  It is to inform parents of their carrying choices when it comes to their children.  In my opinion there is no right or wrong to parenting, there is simply safe and less safe.  The choices each family makes for themselves and their children is up to them.**

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Sources:

Katrina Woznicki: http://www.webmd.com/parenting/baby/news/20100706/many-car-seat-injuries-occur-outside-car
Peggy Peck http://www.medpagetoday.com/Pediatrics/GeneralPediatrics/6199
Lilah Zane http://voices.yahoo.com/car-seats-belong-cars-unintended-health-consequences-257262.html
Jennifer Lance http://ecochildsplay.com/2012/01/31/slings-car-seats-baby-wearing-and-the-risk-of-hip-dysplasia/
Toxic risks: http://www.newsomelaw.com/blog/2012/02/17/not-so-obvious-car-seat-dangers-put-children-risk
Pediatrics study: http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/early/2010/07/05/peds.2010-0333.full.pdf
other resources:
http://www.helium.com/items/1387764-car-seat-baby-development-safety-of-car-seat-danger-of-car-seat-newborn-journey-thick-coats
http://healthyliving.msn.com/pregnancy-parenting/kids-health/how-dangerous-is-your-childs-car-seat-1
10 common mistakes regarding car seats: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/car-seat-safety/MY00824

Why I don't mind being called a Bitch.

Source.

I want to start by stating that this isn't inspired by a recent attack or even a recent incident.  No one has called me a bitch in quite a while actually, at least that I know of.  But, I was thinking recently about my goals in being a more positive person and thinking about what those changes mean.  Can I still tell someone I think what they're doing is shitty, if I'm trying to be more optimistic.  Can I still HATE rape, abuse and oppression?  Surely, good people don't have any hate in their hearts, or do they?  And, do I want to renounce my former self completely? As I've been making this shift towards happiness and letting go of negativity, I realized, there are some things I don't want to let go of.  Are those the same things keeping me from making a positive shift? Or is it okay to hold on to negative beliefs, about negative things?  What do these thoughts have to do with the word "Bitch"?

I guess they have to do with the reason I've been called a bitch in the past.  Usually, it was because I wouldn't let something go.  I wouldn't stop arguing, even though I knew I was right, and it would be easier to admit I wasn't.  Because, I chose to worry about myself, when I felt like no one else cared.  Because, I said something I meant and didn't want to take it back.  And someone, or several people, got sick of talking to me and tried to shut me up with this five letter word.  The problem was, it didn't work.

I don't know why people think the word is threatening, or an insult, or even a "bad" word for that matter.

I think the word itself is fine, I like the letter "B".  It's a pretty letter with curves and fun to write and so are i, t, c and h.  There is nothing wrong with the letters; we use them in other words just fine... So, maybe it's the sound that bothers people b-itch. Nope, that doesn't bother me either, although it does rhyme with itch which I don't particularly like... Oh! I know.  It's the connotation associated with the original use; a female dog.

No, wait.

I love my dog.  She licks my feet when I'm sad and she rolls in the grass when it's sunny and she makes beds out of blankets.  I don't mind being associated with her either.

So, after thinking about all these terms and concepts and situations that left me with this word spoken from mouths of so called friends or even family, mostly family, I realized I actually don't mind being a "bitch" whatever that means.


If it means I speak my mind, even with others disagree, then I'm a bitch.


If it means looking out for myself {and my family}, when necessary, then I'm a bitch.


If it means I have self confidence, even when others think I should doubt myself, then I'm a bitch.


If it means arguing because I AM RIGHT {not just when I THINK I'm right}, even when others don't want to admit it, then I'm a bitch.


If it means I choose to defend myself against an attacker{s} by ANY means necessary, then I'm a bitch.  

I just can't give negative power to this word, no matter how much I try.  I know there are lots of words used in our language to hurt women {and to call a man a bitch, is to imply he's too feminine to deserve a manly insult}.  But NONE of those other words bother me either.  I think when they're spoken out of anger and frustration that they leave behind a lot of energy and that negative energy needs to go somewhere, but I will not accept it.  The word is just a word, and if someone wants to say something out of hate, discontent or ridicule they they can keep that negative energy.  They can have that karma.  I am too self aware and proud of myself, what I've done, what I've worked for, and who I've worked with to let a word have more power than it deserves.  The word bitch does not disrespect my female anatomy, it empowers it.  It means I'm doing something right, something that got noticed, something that mattered, it usually means I stood up for myself.  The next time someone thinks about calling a woman {or man} a bitch, I hope they realize some people take it as a complement.

How's that for a positive shift?

I can accept and appreciate anything anyone says to me. I CAN be happy and supportive and smart and well spoken and proud and if someone doesn't like it, I CAN accept that and still be happy.  And, to answer my own internal struggle and questions; I can and do still HATE rape, abuse and oppression.  I want to grow as a person without loosing ALL of who I was before. Remaining disgusted with terrible things does NOT keep me from making a positive shift. It okay to hold on to negative beliefs about negative things.

And it is okay to be a bitch.

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Functional Friday No. 30

Midwives.

Newborn exam performed on the bed, near mama.

As a follow up to last week's Functional Friday post I wanted to share the importance and function of a midwife.  Now many midwives are employed by hospitals and are a great option for a birthing woman, however this post is going to focus on home birthing Midwives and their function in a healthy pregnancy.

You know what an O.B. does right? Well, a midwife does that, AND MORE (and less).

I was visiting with my midwife and we were talking about Midwifery and Doulas and O.B.s and the whole lot of choices you have while pregnant.  And what it comes down to is you should choose whoever YOU feel best with because not a whole lot actually changes birth, you can eat better and do more or less but ultimately the outcome isn't going to change all that much, the thing that will change is how your pregnancy and delivery were handled and how YOU felt about them.

I, personally, do not like waiting HOURS to see my doctor.  Our first visit to the ob for my 1st ultrasound with my daughter was a 3.5 hour long process.  All I wanted was to get the ultrasound.  I knew I wanted a home birth and thought a doctor would know of midwives {they didn't, shocking} and wanted to make sure everything looked "right".  But after one appointment, I knew I didn't want to see nurse after nurse and wait for my doctor for hours, only to see the doctor for a few freaking minutes!

My midwife appointments were so much more.  We talked about my concerns, fears, and anxiety about birth, and she talked me through those issues. Part therapy, part healthy prenatal care.  She would give me nutritional advice, she would rub my feet, she would feel my tummy and listen with a fetoscope {no ultrasonic waves bouncing off my baby, I regret the first ultrasound very much, now that I'm more informed}.  The whole appointment would be about 30 minutes to an hour and ALL of it was with my midwife and her assistant, I NEVER waited more than 5 minutes to see her. She would meet with us after hours, after 5pm when Husband was able to join us.  He never missed work for an appointment with her, unlike the ob where he had to take the whole day off work!

For delivery, I called MY midwife, and she was at my house.  I didn't have to wait for my doctor to be on call to have him or her deliver my baby.  I know that doesn't bother some people, but when you have a midwife, you build a relationship.  So, naturally, you want that person to be the one with you in labor.  And while many friends have great obs, they are not guaranteed to have that doctor deliver their baby.  It could be a stranger! Granted that stranger may have an MD or CNM they are still a stranger, they don't know anything about my birth plan, nothing of my partner and mine's relationship, nor my personal faith or beliefs.

OBs are often directed through hospital policy.  Midwifes are directed by household policy.  My house, my rules.  With a midwife there is no threat of failure to progress leading to a C-section.  If a serious medical issue occurred my midwife would have gone to the hospital with me.  She would advocate for me.  A stranger or ob may be fearful of malpractice or their boss and therefore choose an option that is not in the best interest of the mother and baby, rather the best interests of the hospital or him/herself.  With a midwife, I'm the boss.  She listens to me, and wants me and the baby to be happy and healthy.  This is where the "less" from above comes into play.  A midwife will not use an electronic fetal heart monitor, they will use their ears.  They will listen with a fetoscope or Doppler device {slight ultrasonic waves}, if approved by the parents, to hear the baby's heart.  The baby doesn't just stop if something's wrong, they will give warning signs.  One warning might be the lack of increased heart rate during a contraction, the baby is saving energy so he or she doesn't increase his or her heart rate during a contraction, that's a warning sign.  You don't have to be hooked up to a machine to know something isn't right.  I prefer no machines and instead a well trained midwife with common sense.

Also, many obs will only catch a baby with a mother laying on her back, they are not usually trained on diverse birthing positions.  Midwifes are trained on how to catch a baby in whatever position the mom feels most comfortable in.  And while this may not seem like a big deal to someone who is not in labor, I can assure you; once you find a comfortable position as a laboring woman, god herself could not move you.  I promise.

Another advantage to choosing a midwife was the fact I didn't have to have an I.V..  I hate needles and the thought of pushing a baby with a needle in my hand made me anxious.  So, I choose the safe alternative.  A midwife.  I knew women had birthed for thousands of years without an I.V. and that I could too.  Now, if you're into having I.V.s, being in a unfamiliar environment, surrounded by strangers and being asked to undress in front of said strangers, then by all means an OB and hospital birth are probably the place for you, but as for me, I'll choose my home, germ free, and safe with the help of a Midwife.

Cord Cutting Ceremony, involving the whole family, usually not an option in a hospital setting.

Just my thoughts and a little something to think about when considering how you want to welcome your baby into this world.  I was talking to my brother in law about the subject, and these were his thoughts, When you go on vacation, you can get there a lot of ways; planes, trains, driving, first class, coach; when you get there, you get there.  Sometimes you're greeted with refreshments and loving arms, other times harsh custom agents and sometimes {god forbid} thieves.  The point is you're still on vacation.  Same for birth.  The baby will get here.  It's just a matter of how you feel on the journey and the welcome team you choose for his or her arrival, that's what makes it a good experience or a difficult one.

source for image on the left. 

And that's what the function of a midwife is. She's more and less an O.B...

...KIDDING!

but she IS the primary care provider for prenatal mamas and the primary care provider for brand new {first few hours} baby, and postpartum mama, which is sort of what an O.B. is... sort of!

Did I leave something out, or imply too much? leave a comment below with your thoughts on midwifery care.

Thanks for reading,
Jenn

Respecting Time Part 2

Be thankful for the time you have, don't wish it away.

I know a few people who like to count down.  309 days til my birthday, 42 days until my due date, 1,960 days until I die.  Wait what?!

When you count down, you loose the ability to focus on the moment you're in.  We're all here temporarily.  Every moment you wish was closer is actually denying the moment that's here, right now, the opportunity to exist.

I blame school for this phenomenon and I know I'm not alone.  Each day millions of students sit at square desks in windowless {or small windowed} rooms and wish that the teacher will just stop talking, that the bell will just start ringing.  They don't just hope for it, many pray for it.  They beg.  "Just 2 more hours until I get to go home."

We need to adjust who we are as a culture.  We need to learn that every moment is our life, sometimes it takes the fear of death {not that you should be scared, even though I am} to reestablish awareness of the moment.  If someone told you, you had 6 months to live, I bet you'd stop counting. I bet you'd do the things you want to do.  I bet you'd eat healthier to avoid a quicker death.  I bet you'd stop putting off those yoga lessons, and start reading those books you bought.  I bet you pamper yourself with love and joy.  I bet you'd respect your time on this earth.

So why wait?  Stop counting down for something amazing to happen.  Go outside and make it happen.  Take that hike.  Play with your pups and/or kids.  Eat your favorite foods, the ones that nourish you, not poison you. Clean out your closet.  Take that trip you've been saving for.  Whatever it is, enjoy it, or enjoy waiting for it.

I can't tell you how many times people told me they couldn't wait for my baby to arrive, but I could because I knew it would change my life, I knew the waiting would be worth it.  People now are always asking how old she is, and telling me how fast it will go by, and asking if she's running yet, talking yet, and although she is, I appreciate each moment of her and CAN wait for her to ride a bike, swim, feed herself, bathe herself.  I know that each moment that passes is one I will never get back, and I will NEVER wish away her time or mine.  It's too special.

10 {or more} Things I'm LOVING about this Little Girl Right Now!

1. "Hold ou" as in hold you, or better, hold me! It really is the cutest thing when she says this at my feet.
2. Warrioriorioriorrrrs. or at least she tries to sing, The Warriors {come out and play} theme song.
3.  Pointing to her little toes and requesting "weee" as in this little piggy went to the market, this one stayed home, this one had {favorite food}, this little piggy had none and this little piggy went weeeeeeee all the way home.
4. Rips off sage and rosemary leaves from our herb garden, smells them and says "ah"  so sweet.
5. Yoga Baby!  she does down dog, bridge and hands to heart center upon request and if she's feeling like it on her own too. so cute!

6. She now says, Nite Nite, Chi Chi, as in give me some milk {chi chi Spanish for boobies} and let's go to bed.

7. She will do something she find funny and laugh uncontrollably, this is Husband's favorite.
8.  Loves drawing "bitures" pictures, and holds her pen so purposefully and loves drawing with chalk on her "back bord" which translates to black board.
9.  This is kind of weird, but, she tells me "boop" which is trying to sound like poop.  She always goes on the toilet now and lets me know so I can get her there on time.  It's so nice to not change poopy diapers, I LOVE E.C.
10. "no, no, no" but in a super cute voice you can't resist smiling, whether its refusing food, resisting going inside or anything else she wants to do, we all just giggle.  She'll also push away whatever it is and that only makes it cuter.

Oh and just because I don't really update about much these days and my daughter becoming a toddler, I will also note that she's talking.  A LOT.  She's combining words, not quite sentences but "want mama," or" daddy's truck," or "bye bye Lola."

I'm just so happy I get to hang out with her most of the day and learn with her and teach her thing and show her things myself.  We do a lot during the day, hence the lack of D.I.Y. posts, not many of the big list I have going are things that are easily done with a toddler in one arm.  Thanks for being patient as I cleanse my body with this diet and enjoy being a mom to a wild one, I promise to post many more ideas and projects as soon as I can get them going.

Lot of Love,
Jenn

Respecting Time Part 1

Don't be Late.

The departure sign in Nice, France summer 2009

Ask me what my mood was, after running to the train station because Husband told me I needed to...

When you'e late, you're saying one of two things.
1. "My time is more important than your time." 
2. "I'm irresponsible."

Neither of these are good, and neither one makes anyone feel good or happy.

I understand that your house is a mess and you need to switch the laundry before you walk out the door, but guess what? I need to do those things too.  If I can't be somewhere when I said I would, because I'm too busy doing something else, I'm being disrespectful to you, and vice versa.  Everyone has too much to get done, the difference between someone being late and on time, is a person's ability to accept that those things can and will wait for them,  I on the other hand will not.

I have experienced this disrespect more than I can count.  It's something that haunts me from my childhood.  My mom was always the last one to dance class, so much so that I would be waiting 15-30 minutes after class, while the owner stayed, because the studio was closed for the night.  I love my mom and she's the nicest person, except when it comes to respecting your time.  She's always 45 minutes late to family gatherings.  And hours late leaving for road trips.  One of my biggest pet peeves is {one that word! and} when someone is late or makes me wait for them.  I know I'm not the most patient person in the world and you might think that since I'm used to waiting, I'd be over it.  But I'm not.  And if you want to upset me without really trying, all you have to do is be late.

The second issue with being late is poor time management.  After 26 years on this earth I know it will take me 20 minutes to get from here to there, and about an hour to get ready.  If you haven't figured this out for yourself and your own situations by now, you're irresponsible.

Do the math!  Make sure you can fit in everything, that you scheduled and if you can't, politely inform the other party when you can reschedule. I know that recently this inability to manage time has been classified as a disorder, but I think that's bull shit.  We all have clocks and we all run off internal timing.  We know that the sun rises and sets and we know things need to be done before or during that time.  We know when we need to eat and we know when we need to sleep.  Why is it so hard for some people to know when they need to leave or arrive?

Think about this the next time you're running late, and how much you're inconveniencing others, do you want them to think you're disrespectful? or irresponsible?  If you're late, they probably do.

So, be on time!

Anti Candida Diet {week 3}

I'm starting week three now, and I feel okay.  Still some symptoms and checking in with the Naturopath this week and hopefully she'll let me know how much longer I need to do this diet.

My skin looks good, but I'm missing some of my favorite foods.  Mostly Breads.  I had a really terrible Saturday and I was so upset I decided that I should have pizza, it might have been a bad food choice but it was delicious and I don't regret it at all.  I didn't notice any difference symptom wise and I'm back on the diet full force now, even though my favorite coffee shop had vanilla Macarons {one of the reasons we're going to paris in 2013 is because of my cravings for perfect macarons!} I didn't get one, but I hope they make them again in a few weeks!

Anyway here's what I've been eating lately...

Salad with olive oil, lemon and garlic for dressing

Rice pasta with spinach ALMOST tastes like normal pasta

It looks like this with soft mozzarella on top

We went out to eat for my father in laws birthday at California Pizza Kitchen, their hummus was the closest thing to the diet {it has a small amount of soy in it} but I made buckwheat pancakes to use as pita and brought them with me.

I've adjusted well to Stevia and this vanilla creme  flavor works really well in yogurt,

I will be using honey in my coffee once I'm back to normal though.

I made myself some gluten free, vegan, buckwheat and quinoa flour crackers.

recipe here.

Baked eggplant with fresh mozzarella balls {approved by my Dr. for MY diet}

with rice noodles and home made tomato sauce.

The only snack I'm enjoying.

2 green apples a day max, and you can bet I'm maxing out everyday.

Normally, no fruit is allowed on this diet, I'm not sure why she's allowing me 2 of these a day, but I'm not about to loose the privilege so I'm just accepting it!

And the meal plan for this week is:
Last night; 4 oz lamb roast with veggies
Monday; Asian Stir Fry NO SAUCE, ginger and lime for flavor
Tuesday; Spinach rice spaghetti with tomato sauce and salad
Wednesday; Quinoa Casserole, modified to be Anti-Candida friendly {mine will be tortilla and cheese free}
Thursday; Baked eggplant and fettuccine style rice noodles with a butter garlic sauce
Friday; Butternut Squash Pizza, mine will be baked on my quinoa crust.

Now, if everything is going well according to my dr. I will only have one more week,  which I'm seriously hoping for.  I really want some Fran's Chocolate Caramels on Valentine's day. hint hint.

Happy Monday, and wish me luck!