Birth Story for Vera Basil

This is the birth story for Vera Basil Born at home Monday, March 11, 2013 at 4:50-53am...

Husband and I woke up at 8:50am Sunday morning, and took a few moments to ourselves before our daughter Sonja woke up.

Sunday is my yoga morning.  After our alone time, I got up and started getting ready for my 10:30 class.  I went to the bathroom and noticed a mucus discharge {with a tint of blood}  I thought it could be the mucus plug, but last time it all came out in one chunk and this was not as big and more gooey than I expected.

I decided to go ahead and go to yoga, although I noticed I was having contractions, much like the practice ones I'd been having in the evening for the past few weeks.  The only difference was this was not the evening.  I decided to continue with class and just took child's pose when I got uncomfortable.  I didn't want to miss the beautiful day outside nor the outdoor practice.

Bakasana at 39 weeks

Contractions or Surges, as I usually call them, were mild all day.  They ranged in the 2-4 pain range, on a scale from 1-10.  They were coming every 10-20 minutes.  I sat down and did our taxes while Husband and Sonja went to a spring training game with his father and brother.  I told him I'd call if they got real active but they stayed mild for a while.

Around 5pm I noticed more mucus plug (again slightly bloody).  My parents came for dinner after I told them I thought tonight would be the night.  I called my sister, as she was planning on being the photographer of the whole event.  During dinner and that evening the surges increased to 4 on pain scale, and I knew they weren't going to stop.  I just didn't know how long they would last.


I texted our Midwife at 9:41 and she called right after.  After talking with me she decided to come over and hang out until I got active. My parents ended up going home after 10pm ish, since our midwife was there and she was pretty confident it would be a little while.

While hanging out my sister and sister in law offered to help me make my postpartum yoni healing pads.

Around 11pm I decided to lay down with Sonja to get her to sleep.  During that time I had a few surges in the 5-6 pain scale.

Once she was asleep, {about 12 midnight} I headed out into the kitchen to talk to birth team.  There were more surgest in the 5-6 pain range but we talked through the fact I was scared for it to get real and once I just accept it's happening I could hurry the process up.  We agreed I could keep it pushed off for a while, until the birth hormornes really kicked in and forced it to happen.  I knew I had to just jump off that cliff but I was still scared of it.

At 1am ish I decided to get in the shower and use my birth ball.  Once I was in there, there was no pain. I thought they stopped! I stayed in there for a while, wondering if I couldn't feel them if they were still there... they were.  Once the warm water ran out I got out of the shower and laid down on the bed over a stack of pillows.  My sweet friend Diane rubbed my back and so did Husband.  They were both such a great support team.

Husband kicked everyone else out of room shortly after my shower.  He mentioned he wanted this sacred experence to be between the two of us.  And while I knew that was sweet, I really just wanted to not be in pain,  I didn't care who was rubbing my back as long as it was being done in the right spot at the right time.  It's really hard to explain to someone what to do when you're entering labor land and a fellow woman usually knows what to do better than a sweet husband.  But it was his birth too so I let him rub my back until about 3:30am.

The surges started to get so unbearable that I was screaming.  I woke up the whole household, many of whom had just fallen asleep.  My midwife's assistant, Danielle, came in to check on fetal heart tones and I rested as much as I could between surges.  It was probably a 7 on my pain scale and I noticed that my yell was primal with hints of grunting {indicative of pushing}.   Shell, my midwife, came in to check on me.  She laid beside me.  It started to become unbearable in any position.

She suggested Skylar check me. She said, I don't think he'll have to go very far, sometime like, "My thought is there should be a head in the vault."

He checked, and said he did feel a head.  But I asked her to check again because I felt like I was pushing without purpose. No progression. From pushing. She checked and said there was about a centimeter of cervix in the way. I was pulling it down with each push, instead of pushing it out of the way or waiting until it moved out of the way.  She helped to guide it out of the way, as I pushed and relaxed my abdomen I felt it slip over the baby's head.  There was a sense of relief/release.

Somewhere during that time Sonja woke up, she sleeps in the same room as us and must have heard me screaming.  She was so sweet and happy to watch.  She was holding my hand and loving me.  But I had one really awful surge and I screamed a little too loud which scared her.  As soon as I saw the tears I apologized   The surge was over and I was trying to calmly tell her I was okay and that the yelling helped it not hurt.  I gave her a kiss and so did her daddy.  He asked her if she wanted to go play with her grandparents in the living room and she said yes.  Off she went.

Once the head was in the canal, I was able to relax for a second. Shell told me to take deep breathe for baby {after I asked why and she explained fetal heart tones dropped way low and I needed to relax and allow baby to recover after such a powerful surge.  This is pretty normal and it's how fast baby recovers from such a situation that indicates what actions need to be taken}. My surges slowed down but were intense. Baby's heart rate recovered fine.

The surges gave me a few breaks during pushing.  I was able to ask for coconut water. I tried to consciously eat and drink because I was so tired I wanted to keep my energy up. I drank on my "breaks" and allowed myself to fully relax.

I was pushing so hard I peed.  Like all over the bed, actually on towels on the bed.  I tried to control it but I ended up pushing so hard I was pooping and peeing each time.  My support team happily cleaned it up before Skylar took over.  With Sonja's birth I was well cleared from a day of slow labor, this time was slightly quicker.  After a few tries of controlling it, I told them sorry, but I was just going to keep doing it.  They grabbed extra towels to put under me and all was fine.  Sometime in that mess I felt a gush, not pee.  I was sort of bummed for a second when I realized my water broke {no caul birth for me}.  But I was just ready to be done, I didn't really care and I was impressed with my body and baby for holding on that long!

Shell suggested if I needed the encouragement, I could feel inside to find the head and see how close I was. I DID need that and I felt the head push to the surface and slip back in once but on the next surge I was able to bring it to the surface and hold and push through. I could feel the bones of cheeks passing through. Once the head was out, I relaxed slightly through the next break and slowly pushed the shoulders and abdomen out. Husband was catching the baby. he had this beautiful baby half out and she looked at him and took her breathe but she was still in me.  He said, "I still don't know if it's a boy or girl..."

I can't believe Husband is "letting" me post this photo, but you can see her half in half out!

Shell told him something and I said "Don't touch her!" I didn't want him to tug, pull or anything. But she was explaining how to remove the cord around her neck.

With the next push I was able to get her all the way out.  "It's a girl," he said.  The whole delivery from head to toe was 4:50-4:53am.  When asked, between first breathe or toes out, I decided toes out.  She wasn't fully born until ALL the way out so her official birth time on her birth certificate says 4:53am.

Once she was out, I yelled, "Sonja" and everyone came rushing in.

We allowed the cord to stop pulsing and I delivered the placenta.  After a while of establishing breastfeeding we clamped and cut the cord.

She weighed 7lbs 12oz and was 19inches long.  13 and 1/4 inches head {a whole inch smaller than Sonja's!}

And here I am after 19 hours of natural labor with my Blue Corn Hot Chocolate {and placenta-couldn't even taste it} made by my midwife.  And on that note, I felt much much better emotionally and physically than I did after Sonja's birth.  So as gross as it might be I highly recommend it!

-Jenn

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My Thoughts on Hospital Births

I don't think hospitals are bad.
I think hospital policies are bad.
I don't think O.B.s are bad.
I think O.B.'s policies are bad.
Anything that can not differentiate between the needs of the whole and the needs of an individual, and the risks of the whole and risks of the individual are bad.

The midwifery model of care understands the needs of each of the individual women and the safety of both mother and child.

O.B.s have a lot to learn from midwives; compassion, normalcy of birth, trust of a woman's body.  And Midwives are lucky to have the resources of O.B.s for higher risk pregnancies; more fetal monitoring options, suctions and forceps devices for complicated deliveries, and cesarian sections for moms who NEED them (only, maybe 5% of women truly need them. source.).

I think every woman should be well educated on her birth choices and options, risks and success rates of her birth plan along with a well established support system for immediately following a birth.  My understanding of O.B.s and Hospitals is that, they do not fully inform their patients of risks and success rates of various procedures in the same way a midwife would.  I know my O.B. experience resulted in a total of 20 minutes out of 3 hour appointment with the actual O.B.. Whereas, my midwife appointments are about and hour long with 100% of the time with the midwife discussing concerns, risks and success rates of various topics regarding birth.

I think misconceptions need to be addressed along with fears about women's bodies.

From various conversations I've overheard...
A 10 pound baby is big but healthy and completely do-able by vaginal birth, contrary to one woman's opinion.
Working out does NOT create a larger baby. On the contrary, it strengthens the uterus for a faster recovery and less of a chance of bleeding to death via hemorrhage.  Also, repeat cesarian sections are more dangerous than vaginal births after cesarian.  In regards, to hemorrhage as opposed to uterine rupture, women are less likely to have a uterine rupture than serious hemorrhage with repeat c-sections. (source 1, 2, 3)
Drugs and medications are NOT the only, nor most successful, pain relief options for laboring women. A doula is a professionally trained labor suport person and known to reduce the use of drugs and epidurals for laboring women.  And there are many more positions, procedures {like acupuncture, massage and TENS}, and techniques to elevate pain.
Pain in labor IS purposeful.  It allows the mother to know how far along her body is progressing.  It is a message from the body to the brain that something important is about to happen.  It is beneficial to the mother's mental health to be present in the pain {as opposed to "checked out" via drugs} to bond with the baby, the baby's birth is what stops the pain.
Women will often defend their doctors by saying they {the O.B.} knows what's best.  But what is best isn't being restricted to a limited diet during one of the most energy using experiences of a woman's life.  It's neither safe, nor easy, nor comfortable.  Yes, if someone happens to NEED a caesarian they will need anesthesia and they may vomit.  But, in any other EMEREGENCY surgery the patient is rarely rushed in with an empty stomach.  That is just one of the examples where the policies for the whole, restrict the needs of an individual.

In short, I think each birth is unique and each requires unique circumstances.  Unfortunately, I've yet to see or hear of an Arizona hospital that is truly mama and baby friendly. I think each birth choice is completely the choice of the mother, sorry dads!  I just wish women were consistently informed of true risks and I wish more often than not they would choose the safest choice for themselves and their babies as opposed to what someone tells them is the easiest yet safe enough option.

That is my problem with hospitals; their myth of ease and safety.  What women compromise for safety and ease is actually safety and comfort.

All birth is work, all births are difficult and to pretend otherwise is setting up a mom for defeat.  Wether it's postpartum depression or the difficult recovery of an unnecessary surgery, the effects of a emotionally painful birth are much worse than the pain of childbirth.  No women gets an easy birth unless, maybe, she's worked hard during her pregnancy to ensure one.  So, when I hear women talk about their choices for a hospital or planned c-section; because "it's going to be easier {because of drugs or lack of pushing}" I just want to shake them.  They have no idea what they're in for.  Even if they've experienced the process before, they're still at risk for all the complications of their choices, choices few of them have been fully informed of.

So, to clarify though all my rambling; my problems with hospitals are their myth of ease, myth of informed consent, myth of choice.  If hospitals can take note of these concerns and rewrite policies, I think we'd have a lot more happy mamas.  I also think if you've found a hospital that supports you and your choices, no matter what, you're lucky; and I'd love to know where these places are!  Please, share them in the comments.  I also know mom's who are thankful for the hospitals that helped make their delivery a safe one.  I know I would/will be thankful for a hospital if an emergency transfer is necessary with my next baby.  But I do not plan on starting off at one, for all the reasons listed above and more.  I think for a healthy family, the home is where a birth should be, and hospitals, like for everything else, should be reserved for emergencies and complications only.

Disagree with me? leave a comment.  I'd love to hear other opinions. I know I ramble sometimes, but I just needed to share MY thoughts on hospitals and why I don't want to birth in one.  I hope anyone reading this understands I'm not judging a women who chooses a hospital birth, I just hope she's being treated with respect and care, like every mom-to-be deserves.

-Jenn

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Anniversary 2012 {Staycation}

Husband and I celebrated our four year anniversary this weekend by staying at the Hotel Valley Ho, here in Phoenix, well, technically, Scottsdale.  It was super fun, and our first baby free night since Cupcake was born!  Can you believe she's slept in bed with us for the past 21 months?! She had a great time with her uncle Wayne and aunt Gretchen.  And had fun too...

Husband opening his gift box.

I booked this place strictly because of that tub.

I like that the side of this building reminds me of the sprinkles we saw at A.J.s 

We stopped at P.F. Chang's for some happy hour snacks before our real date.  I thoroughly enjoyed my Asian Pear Mojito.

I forgot to pack my brush! BUT, was somehow able to braid my hair anyway.

All dressed up for our real date!  Dress complements of Desert Gypsy Mama!

We tried Stingray for the first time.  A little loud for a romantic date, but the Sushi was good and the sake was even better!

On the walk back to our hotel we passed a ton of art galleries in Old Town Scottsdale.

I loved this giant head!

So, remember that tub?! This was probably my favorite feature of our room.

Who doesn't love a "Mood" light?!

Before.

After.

I ordered the Brioche lemon french toast with berries and Husband had some coffee.

They brought this adorable flower with the food too.

Not the BEST brioche I've ever had, but close!

I love these cabanas with mirrors that look like windows!

photo credit: Husband.

I thought it would be good time to plan some lessons and update my schedules...

I may or may not have fallen asleep instead.

And that was our weekend, hope you had a great one too!

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Functional Friday No. 30

Midwives.

Newborn exam performed on the bed, near mama.

As a follow up to last week's Functional Friday post I wanted to share the importance and function of a midwife.  Now many midwives are employed by hospitals and are a great option for a birthing woman, however this post is going to focus on home birthing Midwives and their function in a healthy pregnancy.

You know what an O.B. does right? Well, a midwife does that, AND MORE (and less).

I was visiting with my midwife and we were talking about Midwifery and Doulas and O.B.s and the whole lot of choices you have while pregnant.  And what it comes down to is you should choose whoever YOU feel best with because not a whole lot actually changes birth, you can eat better and do more or less but ultimately the outcome isn't going to change all that much, the thing that will change is how your pregnancy and delivery were handled and how YOU felt about them.

I, personally, do not like waiting HOURS to see my doctor.  Our first visit to the ob for my 1st ultrasound with my daughter was a 3.5 hour long process.  All I wanted was to get the ultrasound.  I knew I wanted a home birth and thought a doctor would know of midwives {they didn't, shocking} and wanted to make sure everything looked "right".  But after one appointment, I knew I didn't want to see nurse after nurse and wait for my doctor for hours, only to see the doctor for a few freaking minutes!

My midwife appointments were so much more.  We talked about my concerns, fears, and anxiety about birth, and she talked me through those issues. Part therapy, part healthy prenatal care.  She would give me nutritional advice, she would rub my feet, she would feel my tummy and listen with a fetoscope {no ultrasonic waves bouncing off my baby, I regret the first ultrasound very much, now that I'm more informed}.  The whole appointment would be about 30 minutes to an hour and ALL of it was with my midwife and her assistant, I NEVER waited more than 5 minutes to see her. She would meet with us after hours, after 5pm when Husband was able to join us.  He never missed work for an appointment with her, unlike the ob where he had to take the whole day off work!

For delivery, I called MY midwife, and she was at my house.  I didn't have to wait for my doctor to be on call to have him or her deliver my baby.  I know that doesn't bother some people, but when you have a midwife, you build a relationship.  So, naturally, you want that person to be the one with you in labor.  And while many friends have great obs, they are not guaranteed to have that doctor deliver their baby.  It could be a stranger! Granted that stranger may have an MD or CNM they are still a stranger, they don't know anything about my birth plan, nothing of my partner and mine's relationship, nor my personal faith or beliefs.

OBs are often directed through hospital policy.  Midwifes are directed by household policy.  My house, my rules.  With a midwife there is no threat of failure to progress leading to a C-section.  If a serious medical issue occurred my midwife would have gone to the hospital with me.  She would advocate for me.  A stranger or ob may be fearful of malpractice or their boss and therefore choose an option that is not in the best interest of the mother and baby, rather the best interests of the hospital or him/herself.  With a midwife, I'm the boss.  She listens to me, and wants me and the baby to be happy and healthy.  This is where the "less" from above comes into play.  A midwife will not use an electronic fetal heart monitor, they will use their ears.  They will listen with a fetoscope or Doppler device {slight ultrasonic waves}, if approved by the parents, to hear the baby's heart.  The baby doesn't just stop if something's wrong, they will give warning signs.  One warning might be the lack of increased heart rate during a contraction, the baby is saving energy so he or she doesn't increase his or her heart rate during a contraction, that's a warning sign.  You don't have to be hooked up to a machine to know something isn't right.  I prefer no machines and instead a well trained midwife with common sense.

Also, many obs will only catch a baby with a mother laying on her back, they are not usually trained on diverse birthing positions.  Midwifes are trained on how to catch a baby in whatever position the mom feels most comfortable in.  And while this may not seem like a big deal to someone who is not in labor, I can assure you; once you find a comfortable position as a laboring woman, god herself could not move you.  I promise.

Another advantage to choosing a midwife was the fact I didn't have to have an I.V..  I hate needles and the thought of pushing a baby with a needle in my hand made me anxious.  So, I choose the safe alternative.  A midwife.  I knew women had birthed for thousands of years without an I.V. and that I could too.  Now, if you're into having I.V.s, being in a unfamiliar environment, surrounded by strangers and being asked to undress in front of said strangers, then by all means an OB and hospital birth are probably the place for you, but as for me, I'll choose my home, germ free, and safe with the help of a Midwife.

Cord Cutting Ceremony, involving the whole family, usually not an option in a hospital setting.

Just my thoughts and a little something to think about when considering how you want to welcome your baby into this world.  I was talking to my brother in law about the subject, and these were his thoughts, When you go on vacation, you can get there a lot of ways; planes, trains, driving, first class, coach; when you get there, you get there.  Sometimes you're greeted with refreshments and loving arms, other times harsh custom agents and sometimes {god forbid} thieves.  The point is you're still on vacation.  Same for birth.  The baby will get here.  It's just a matter of how you feel on the journey and the welcome team you choose for his or her arrival, that's what makes it a good experience or a difficult one.

source for image on the left. 

And that's what the function of a midwife is. She's more and less an O.B...

...KIDDING!

but she IS the primary care provider for prenatal mamas and the primary care provider for brand new {first few hours} baby, and postpartum mama, which is sort of what an O.B. is... sort of!

Did I leave something out, or imply too much? leave a comment below with your thoughts on midwifery care.

Thanks for reading,
Jenn

Love.

Let me start off by giving you a little background of my week.  We recently had friends visiting form out of town.  Whenever that happens, husband plans too much and in the midst of all the chaos of the weekend I started feeling like anything I said was completely ignored.  Every suggestion I made was ignored, like every word.  I felt so disrespected, frustrated, angry.

and then? I got sick.  Like really sick. Like I couldn't even keep water down for about 8 hours.

He got me a wet washcloth, asked how I was doing, took care of Sonja while she dry heaved in her sleep and then stayed home from work to take care of us, went to the store, fed me, fed her, cleaned the bathroom in the morning and more.

I've never been more grateful for those around me, than when I'm sick.  I turn into the biggest baby.  I always think I'm going to die.  I wish I was dead.  Dark depressing thoughts.  (I also got angry about all the stuff in my room, and how when I do die, what will be left? a bunch of useless crap.  I'm done shopping!... but back to the point of this post). I wonder when this pain and sickness will end and think I really am dying.

and then I don't.

And the people around me comfort me, help me, take care of me, bring me medicinal and healing foods.

Within minutes of requesting advice from fellow breastfeeding mamas on facebook about what I should do to regain nutrition, I had list of suggestions and my midwife was offering to bring me anything I needed.  This woman is a life saver. Literally.

1. She monitored and saved my life during labor, my minor bleeding issue was stopped right away, not scary or life threatening because she was there.  And she monitored and saved Sonjas too.  She calmly unraveled and removed the double looped cord around Sonja's throat.  I didn't even know it happened until the next day, my husband mentioned it to me.

2. Recently, with my friend's wedding I was searching for a jacket and she loaned me a beautiful cream wool one.  I mean, serious wardrobe saver!

3.  Just this past week, she showed up with not just the coconut water I requested but with three, yes three! bags of healing foods and drinks.

So what does all of this have to do with love?

Everything.

When my husband mentioned that he couldn't believe that she brought so much.
I said, "I can."
"I totally can."
She loves us. loves me.  And not just me, like I'm special, but me, like I'm a mom, one of her mom's.  A mom she supported during her pregnancy, so that her labor would go smoothly.  A mom she watched grow a baby.  A mom she nourished with information about parenting. A mom.
But also me, like I AM special.  Like, all of her moms are special.  Like, she LOVES ALL of us, like we matter, like our babies, our births, our families, our feelings fucking matter.

I am so thankful for that love and for my husbands love. I need that love.  I wouldn't survive without it.  It's the most important thing (if it can even be classified as a "thing") in my life.  It is pure being.  It's my daughter, it's me, it's everything.  And maybe I needed to get sick to to get over my nagging and annoying ways.  Maybe I needed to remember what it feels like to be loved and maybe now I can start loving others like they  deserve.

Just something to think about...